I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
