with your own penis?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
