I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
