Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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