I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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