now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
