We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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