the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
