Do you still have your period?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm passing your future prison.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
