The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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