im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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