Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
