Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
