you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
