After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
