She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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