if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Boobs speak an international language.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
