Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
