lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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