No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
