He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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