This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
