I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
