On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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