but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need a beard to bite.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
