how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
