How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
