About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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