I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
