Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
