yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you traded sex for a burrito?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Drunk is not a location!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
