It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just want nice things and good sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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