dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
