Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
