She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
