She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
