Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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