maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
