tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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