i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
