How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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