i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
