"it" just moved
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
