I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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