We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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