maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?