Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.