im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK