I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
