R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are the jesus of drinking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
