the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
