We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
