New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
