i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
