i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
