OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
