I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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