Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
