would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
