Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Randomize
