I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
