Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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