3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
