I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
