You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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