Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
