good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
