Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
