Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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